If you knew me 3-4 years ago, you would probably think that for now, I eat like there's no tomorrow. Back then I weighed only 48-50 kilograms but now I'm on 65 running to 68 kilos. No kidding. So, back to the question; Do I eat like there's no tomorrow? Answer is, I don't know. I just eat. For more than a couple of years since I noticed that I'm gaining a hell of a weight, I never came up with a contemplation why I'm having it this much. Not till now. First, I remember my psychology teacher in college said that your deprivation when you were young will most likely influence you at a certain point in life. She said when she was young, her mother never bought her dolls coz they were expensive. So on her first payday at work, she got her first doll. Since then, she went on buying some more. I remember too that when I was young, I was deprived of something. That is, delicious foods. Let me give you an idea of how my day's menu would be like. Breakfast -buwad (klase-klase) or sardines or egg or kesong puti; Lunch - same as breakfast since I bring baon at school; Dinner - law-oy (sinabawang gulay), or adobong talong, or sari-sari with buwad... etc. I even remember having coconut milk with salt as viand. Of course I never had a single idea that we had it for lunch simply because we don't have a single peso to buy 1 can of sardines. Everyday, it was like that. At Christmas, it is quite different coz we always try to make it not-like-the-other days. But I remember again a certain situation that would always pierce my heart till now. During New Year's eve, my Nanay would collect 13 different kinds of circular fruits for I-dont-know-purposes. One time she bought a little bunch of grapes like there were just five grapes on it. We were so excited to eat it, especially me coz it would be my first time. But I have 5 siblings so Nanay cut all of it and divided it so that all of us could have at least the littlest bite. (tears) I never even remembered how it tasted. Since then, grapes have always been special to me. It reminds me of sharing. There are still more stories of my delicious-food deprivation but I think it is enough to tell you just a few. When I got my own salary, I lavished my family with what I was deprived of. And then I slowly lavished myself too... So it is then that I gained weight. But more than just pigging out is the slow changing of my lifestlye. I barely exercise. Plus, the idea that I have a stable relationship and was confident that my boyfriend (my hubby now) wouldn't find another for that cheap reason kept me from staying physically sexy. My vital statisticss before was 34-25-34. Today, I can not tell it...too embarrassing. Physically, everything has changed. I am 25 and obese. If you are a fat woman reading this, you might feel that same wavelength. We might have the same experiences with how the society reacts or even more the closest people to our hearts. You might have been told face to face that you look awful in that bikini. You might have been told by a jeepney-'konduktor' that you have to double your fare coz you're seating for two. You might have envied those sexy ladies on the beach. You might have wished you were a little thinner so that the blouse you're picking will give justice to its purpose. You might have frowned when those jeans didn't fit. You might have had frequent trips to the fitting room. You might have been snobbed by a guy who was previously madly obssessed at you. You might have thought that while you and your significant other are doing 'it' he might have been thinking of somebody sexier or worse, a porn star. Worst things can happen when you are fat. But for me, had I not been fat, I would not have realized how humiliating it is. Yes, it is. If you are sexy and physically fit, you might give it a try... haha! I'm putting all these things in here because I read somewhere that to start slimming down, you better put everything in writing. So what else could have been better than starting it with your own "fat analysis"?
Life 101: It is not fat that wears down a person's heart. It's the people that surround.
