Death As a Homecoming

Have you ever met a person who desires to die and be with the Creator? Who has already prepared her funeral rites while she's still alive? Who dreams of coming home to heaven and being welcomed by Mother Mary? Who is visited in a dream by a dead relative and was told to prepare because she'll be the first to die among her siblings? Yeah, it seems so morbid. Really really morbid. But this friend of mine seems so excited and cheerful about it. I never asked her why. She just told me that... She has always been attracted to death. There is something about it that makes her feel at home. And besides, she has lived her life fully with no hang ups or whatsoever. And she has this intuition that she won't live that long... And she told me stories that sort of chilled down my spines about her near death. And it slowed me down a bit. I admit, I'm a little bit afraid to die. Not because I don't know where to go in the after life (at least for now, I have the idea) but because of the loved ones I'd be leaving behind. If I'd go first before my husband, I would worry so much about him missing me and I wonder if there would be someone out there to take my place. And then there is my little one, My Owee, what would it be without his Mama? If I can only be assured for them, then I'd be ready to go Home. And I also admit that I have this feeling that I won't live that long too. I don't know why. I just feel it. I've always wanted to write about it but part of me says no. Maybe that's the coward me. Afraid to leave. But after that conversation, I am one step braver to embrace death. Does it sound morbid to you? Maybe because you're not yet ready too. hehehe....


Life 101: Death is a Homecoming. We must prepare for it, just like preparing to go home from a very nice month-long vacation. Drop your hang ups. Forgive yourself, forgive others and ask for it to those whom you had trouble with. LIVE and LOVE fully. Be intimate with God.

Build It On a Solid Rock

The past two weeks were like 15 psi. Imagine 15 lb=6.8 kilos of gas, being put inside a 1 inch square. I am pressured to death. Adding insult to injury, my baby's yaya got sick when I came back from travel and then a few days after, my baby got measles. It's almost a week now since my last full-8 hr sleep. I can't think properly. I've got loads of report to make, 5 more new products to develop, a few more meetings coming up, and preparations for the Sandugo fair. Plus, matters to settle with my pips at the office. Yet, I'm still on it, I won't be giving up. I should stay sturdy. I would love to share a little bit of what God has given me to survive the storms in life. Hope you'll learn something.

I AM...

1. Trusting - Knowing that the ups and downs of life are opportunities in disguise, I accept the journey at hand.
2. Detached - Loving without clinging, involved yet not dependent, I keep things in perspective.
3. Wise - I act, only after observing, listening and accepting.
4. Happy - The joy of being alive and in good company flows through my being.
5. Tolerant - I have the maturity to let go of expectations and the love to keep on giving.
6. Nurturing - Constantly supportive, I open up pathways by being sincere and always available.
7. Calm - I remain steady in the midst of complexity and sure at times of unease.
8. Humility lover - I value others without seeking their attention. Self respect is my inner light; I need nothing extra.
9. Self-Confident - I am in touch with my dreams and willing to work with reality.
10. Courageous - Having glimpsed the truth I hold on to it, undaunted by what I must do.
11. Cheerful - I catch the lightness of life and sense a good future.
12. Intuitive - I perceive the inner rhythm of events and allow my feelings to guide me.


All these things should keep me going. Hope these works for you too... Thank you for reading.


Life 101: You must build a certain kind of foundation within so that when strong winds come, you won't easily fall apart.

Fat Analysis

If you knew me 3-4 years ago, you would probably think that for now, I eat like there's no tomorrow. Back then I weighed only 48-50 kilograms but now I'm on 65 running to 68 kilos. No kidding. So, back to the question; Do I eat like there's no tomorrow? Answer is, I don't know. I just eat. For more than a couple of years since I noticed that I'm gaining a hell of a weight, I never came up with a contemplation why I'm having it this much. Not till now. First, I remember my psychology teacher in college said that your deprivation when you were young will most likely influence you at a certain point in life. She said when she was young, her mother never bought her dolls coz they were expensive. So on her first payday at work, she got her first doll. Since then, she went on buying some more. I remember too that when I was young, I was deprived of something. That is, delicious foods. Let me give you an idea of how my day's menu would be like. Breakfast -buwad (klase-klase) or sardines or egg or kesong puti; Lunch - same as breakfast since I bring baon at school; Dinner - law-oy (sinabawang gulay), or adobong talong, or sari-sari with buwad... etc. I even remember having coconut milk with salt as viand. Of course I never had a single idea that we had it for lunch simply because we don't have a single peso to buy 1 can of sardines. Everyday, it was like that. At Christmas, it is quite different coz we always try to make it not-like-the-other days. But I remember again a certain situation that would always pierce my heart till now. During New Year's eve, my Nanay would collect 13 different kinds of circular fruits for I-dont-know-purposes. One time she bought a little bunch of grapes like there were just five grapes on it. We were so excited to eat it, especially me coz it would be my first time. But I have 5 siblings so Nanay cut all of it and divided it so that all of us could have at least the littlest bite. (tears) I never even remembered how it tasted. Since then, grapes have always been special to me. It reminds me of sharing. There are still more stories of my delicious-food deprivation but I think it is enough to tell you just a few. When I got my own salary, I lavished my family with what I was deprived of. And then I slowly lavished myself too... So it is then that I gained weight. But more than just pigging out is the slow changing of my lifestlye. I barely exercise. Plus, the idea that I have a stable relationship and was confident that my boyfriend (my hubby now) wouldn't find another for that cheap reason kept me from staying physically sexy. My vital statisticss before was 34-25-34. Today, I can not tell it...too embarrassing. Physically, everything has changed. I am 25 and obese. If you are a fat woman reading this, you might feel that same wavelength. We might have the same experiences with how the society reacts or even more the closest people to our hearts. You might have been told face to face that you look awful in that bikini. You might have been told by a jeepney-'konduktor' that you have to double your fare coz you're seating for two. You might have envied those sexy ladies on the beach. You might have wished you were a little thinner so that the blouse you're picking will give justice to its purpose. You might have frowned when those jeans didn't fit. You might have had frequent trips to the fitting room. You might have been snobbed by a guy who was previously madly obssessed at you. You might have thought that while you and your significant other are doing 'it' he might have been thinking of somebody sexier or worse, a porn star. Worst things can happen when you are fat. But for me, had I not been fat, I would not have realized how humiliating it is. Yes, it is. If you are sexy and physically fit, you might give it a try... haha! I'm putting all these things in here because I read somewhere that to start slimming down, you better put everything in writing. So what else could have been better than starting it with your own "fat analysis"?
Life 101: It is not fat that wears down a person's heart. It's the people that surround.

It's not the world that passes by, you do.

There must be something more than just existing. Every human being must have felt this at a given point in his life. I myself have asked it for so many times and the answer would just boil down to a single thought that 'we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but we are spiritual beings having a human experience'.
Have you been to college? You take a subject which is a prerequisite for another. I think life is like that. Everything you do is a preparation for yet another life of (whatever you wish it would be). I believe that after this earthly experience, life is much better if and only if you do good.
Human experience is a prerequisite of something that is eternal. Everything we do is free to our own will. We are liberated. We make choices. So choose what you believe is for your own fate. Our lives, we make it.

it's official

I have had blog posts before. I say they were not that great and I'm not saying that this one's better either. I just wanna make an official page for my insights on life. Thus, Life 101. Years ago, I had these note logs and found out that they won't last long coz they're of paper material. For sure the web would be totally different. I guess I'll be writing more often coz lately I'm seeing things in detail and I'm having this irk to capture it. So it is official then. Yo is a blogger.